With the summer officially coming to a close I've finally been faced with the reality of day to day life. I spent too much time traveling this summer (though, I've got nothing on some of the schedules my coworkers kept) and I feel like the past few months are a bit of a blur. Add to that the fact that we were planning for our wedding before the spring hit and I would say the entire last YEAR is a total blur.
For the past month or so since we wrapped up ACL I've been focusing on how to get my life back in order and on track. What I've decided is that there is just not enough time in the day to do everything that you are required to do (work), everything you should do (cook dinner) and everything you actually want to do (relax? read a book?). I'm not sure how people fit it all in to be honest.
The unfortunate part of this predicament is it seems that the first thing I leave out of my day is doing something that I want to do. This week I printed up a cute to do list type thing for each day of the week and actually put an item on each day that was unrelated to the typical go to the grocery store type stuff. Guess what? I didn't do any of it. Last night I was meant to set aside 30 minutes of craftiness time. Didn't get to it...I fell asleep. What did I get to? Basically just the bare minimum. Sad times.
Let's talk this out because honestly, I don't see how anyone does all of what they need to do.
So...here's my life through the end of the year:
Things I have to do:
8am-6pm Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and 2pm-6pm Wednesdays I work. 40 hours right there.
9am-2pm Wednesdays I do the internship - 5 hours
Saturdays I will usually either be volunteering at the farmer's market or working an event for the internship - could be 2-6 hours right there (maybe I shouldn't think of the market as something I must do but I did make a commitment. maybe I should think of the internship as something I want to do but I also think it's a must do at this point in my life)
All that adds up to between 47-51 hours of work per week that I am required to do.
So now, things that I should do: feed myself and Max in a healthy way while not spending too much money (grocery shopping, constant cooking), keep the house clean, keep the dogs fed/medicated/exercised and away from my shoes/quilts, exercise every day for at least 30 minutes, remember to pay my bills and save money, brush/floss my teeth, take daily multivitamins, keep in touch with family & friends, drink lots of water...I mean this is crazy the list just goes on an on. Just think of all the things you read about on a daily basis that "suggest" you do x, y or z to stay healthy and happy. Think of how many things you don't do that you know that you should. I'd love to say just one or two are my biggest pitfalls but I honestly think over 50% of that list goes undone on any given day of the week. And all of this while I should be getting "enough" sleep.
If I ever get through the list of things that I should do, I have a list a million miles long of things that I want to do. I want to read more, I want to listen to more music, I want to go on hikes on the weekend and eat picnics in the park on beautiful days. I want to make crafts that I read about from Martha Stewart. I want to go to the movies and have dinner with friends. I want to successfully not kill the basil plant I'm growing in the backyard. I want to blog, I want to read blogs and get great ideas. I want a new career but boy oh boy that gets lumped back up in the must do list. I want unlimited blocks of time to stroll around a neighborhood with my headphones on and think like I used to do in New York. But, when was the last time that I had no obligations at all? OK, maybe it was last Sunday when we didn't leave the house at all but I've just been so TIRED lately that I needed that day to rest.
I recently read the book, The Happiness Project. Full disclosure - I am a sucker for self help and self improvement books. I read today that Benjamin Franklin once said, "I was surprised to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined, but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish." That pretty much summarizes the reason that I love these books. I'm an over thinker, over analyzer and too hyper aware of every move that I make. I can usually work things out on my own but it's so refreshing to read a new perspective on how to be a better person. That is what this book was all about and it totally spoke to me. I have a wonderful life. I have a decent, well paying job, great friends, a wonderful family, a roof over my head, two of the cutest dogs in the world and a completely amazing husband that adores me. And yet, I don't think I enjoy every day as much as I could. I spend too much time worrying about the must and should do items in my life and don't make time for what I want to do...which ultimately are things that I NEED to do to maintain sanity and true happiness.
So, I guess I will just have to try harder to accomplish everything on my to do list...including the items I might consider to be superfluous. Maybe I won't spend this Sunday napping on the couch...and maybe what I do instead will provide me with more of a feeling of rest than actually sleeping would? I can only hope...since I know that with the addition of owning a home and having kids will only come more to do items and less time/money and energy to do everything on the list.
For now, I'll leave you with what I think is the article of the week (because I won't lie, I know very little about Muammar Gaddafi). I think this is something we all dream of when we get married...even if it is totally cheesy. Long-Married couple Gordon and Norma Yeager pass away holding hands.
-Ashley
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what a lovely article on that couple.
ReplyDeletereading this makes me want to make a list for my own life: i am feeling much the same here in nyc, trying to juggle my work schedule (which changes every single week), my rehearsals for the various groups and unpaid projects I'm trying to be a part of,teaching private english to the busser and bartender at my restaurant, and of course the auditions (which is the supposed reason i am even putting myself though living in this city in the first place) which of course are at different times every week too. and i'm supposed to be prepared and at my absolute best for these said auditions. it is a big scheduling mess. I am just trying to weed through it and get stuff done, but money is a big factor for me. I want to go back to acting/singing/dancing classes and coachings, and of course finish paying back debt from my time abroad, and trying to get Aaron here come february. It all takes money. But then I'm trying to do that extra step other than just survive, i'm trying to move FORWARD, do SOMETHING with my existance. And yes, like you, i am hyper aware and overly analytical and have to always prove to myself that what i'm doing is considered "productive" enough to justify my doing it. I miss my reflective time i had in barcelona, my cushier work schedule, the stability of it, the beautiful medeterannean sea views every day from the beautiful train to work. I miss all the times i used to go out for wne at night! it was a simpler life then, and im not sure which one is the better one for me.
And yet, we chose these amazing lives we both have. We both really do have great lives, and we both recognize that. But damn it would be nice ot have a little more time for the WANT to do things and not the NEED to do things. with power, career and relationships there comes these responsibilities, but would we trade them all for simple freedom? no. maybe you cna't have it all at once. or maybl, you can, but over the span of a lot longer time. like one martha stewart craft every 2 weeks, not one. a little over the course of a long time. a little lowering of the expectations, and a little permission to put your feet on the couch and not move at times. i made myself sleep 8 HOURS last night, with the knowledge that not showing up at 7 am for the audition might mean i'd lose the chance to get seens. i got lucky, and got seen at 12, after showing up at 10. that never happens, but i didn't get a callback. after all of that and they weren't really looking for tall people. and we're back to the drawing board again. a little poorer, after switching my shift so i could go to the audition, and spengin 5 bucks for one headshot replication from kinkos. and here, at starbucks, until i teach my english class, more money on a coffee so i can use their wifi. ah, life.
i still think we're doing a pretty great job at it. love you and miss you, my mental twin!
arj
I can identify with everything you said here more than I'd like to. What I've found lately (work + freelance + volunteer + caring for my three pets and husband + trying to buy a house + going to school) is that yet again I've taken too much on. Even though I didn't want to, I cut something out.
ReplyDeleteIt's just one thing, and I need to cut out more. But the relief that I got from LETTING myself quit something was enormous. Life's too short. Don't let it pass you by.
Make that time in the evening to hold hands and talk to each other, or go outside with the dogs and play, or craft a bit, or read a few pages of a book.
What I forgot is to enjoy life. To cut myself some slack. I'm working on these things :)